From a Cluttered Desk

I am Tammy Cardwell, she of the cluttered desk. (Hey, you think I'm kidding?!) I'm having a blast here in Blogland and invite to you to peruse my ramblings. Like a buffet, they offer variety - essentially whatever makes it to the top of the piles that sometimes clutter my brain. We'll eventually cover it all - homeschooling, God, our church, the Eclectic Homeschool Online, books I'm writing and publishing, conferences I speak at, the joys of grandmotherhood, and hopefully chocolate. Of course, this is only what's near the top now. Who knows what's in those piles?

I recently learned that Smith Wigglesworth, who had a phenomenal ministry, never read any books other than the Bible.

On the one hand, this is hard to conceive. The amount of material that was available to the avid reader, even in his day, is staggering. Could one really turn aside from all of it? On the other hand, the Word is so rich, so full, that I often feel like the time I spend in it is too short, that my morning alarm going off is a rude interruption.

And I have seen evidence, in me, of what Wigglesworth talked about. He contended that faith is based on knowledge of Who God is, and that we gain this knowledge as we are in His Word. In fact, he said, “if you see imperfect faith – full of doubt, a wavering condition – it always comes of imperfect knowledge.”

That makes so much sense! My faith is stronger today than it has ever been. Yes, it grows as it is tried and strengthened, much like a muscle grows under the same conditions, but it grows as it does because it is rooted in my ever-increasing knowledge of Who God is.

Staying in the Word really is a necessity for the one who wants ever-increasing faith.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

“Life is worth living even if all you have IS life. Life is hope. ‘Where there is life there is hope’ is more than just a saying; it is truth. I am THE Way, THE Truth, and THE Life. Therefore, where life is I AM, and where I AM is every thing you need that pertains to life and godliness.

It is the devil that fights to end life – and, with life, hope. Do not EVER let him win.”
~God to Tammy Cardwell

God had me record these words while in prayer around 7:30 AM on Saturday, August 14, 2010. They made me nervous.

God never says or does anything without purpose, so right away I began to wonder at the purpose of these words. It is a revelation He wants to ensure I have, therefore I will need it. Why? And when?

My first thought was that I would be given a chance to speak to someone who was considering killing himself or herself. It occurred to me that someone who was thinking about suicide might come to the Internet, so I bring these words here and, if you are that person, I’m speaking to you.

God is saying, the Holy Spirit is saying, Jesus is saying, “Don’t!”

I can’t claim to have been in your shoes, seriously considering ending my own life. I can say, however, that there have been a couple of times in the past half dozen years when I felt that if someone else were to threaten to kill me I would have thanked them. I’m not joking; I say that quite seriously.

Life can get unimaginably hard, but when we turn to Jesus, cling to Him, hide ourselves in Him, we are in direct connection with the very same power that runs the whole universe. He says in 2 Corinthians 9:8 that He will cause all grace to abound towards us so that we have everything we need for every good work.

Sometimes the good work He has for us to do is live. No matter how bad it gets, no matter how hopeless it seems, He has the power to enable us to keep going. And He has so much more power than that. He IS life and He wants to teach you to truly LIVE!

Take a moment for a simple exercise. First, look at something big across the room or outside – focus on it. Then, put your fist in front of your face, between you and that big thing, and focus on your fist. As you focus on your first, the other, much larger, thing fades into the background. Your fist is what you see.

Finally, keep your fist where it is, but focus on the big thing again. Now it is your fist that “fades” away, perhaps even seems to become transparent. It is the bigger thing you truly see.

That’s the way it is with your problems. No matter how bad they are, they are nothing but a fist in front of your face. As long as you focus on those problems, they keep you from seeing the Greater One – massively huge beyond imagining – Who is right THERE.

Yet if you refuse to focus on your problems, and keep your eyes fixed on Him instead, everything changes. The challenges that had seemed impossible to live with suddenly shrink away to nearly nothing. They fade like fog in sunlight.

Jesus said He had come to give us abundant life (John 10:10) and in Psalm 91:16 God says we can live satisfied lives, but these things don’t just happen. We have a part to play – responsibilities. Psalm 91:1 sets the stage for the promise He gives in verse 16. It says we are to dwell in God’s secret place, living under His shadow. Repeatedly you see in the Scriptures that we are to be “in Christ.” We are to get there, and we are to stay there.

Do this. Run to Jesus. Grab hold of Him and let Him wrap His arms around you, and LIVE!

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Scriptures Referenced
2 Corinthians 9:8 - And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work

John 10:10 - The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

Psalm 91:16 - With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.

Psalm 91:1 - He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand [anywhere else]
Psalm 84:10a (AMP)

I’m nearly fifty, and I turned my life over to God when I was twelve. I’ve had some truly joyous days in those years, and I’ve had days so devastating that I would never wish them on my worst human enemy. (The devil is a different story!) One thing I can say from experience is that Psalm 84:10 speaks truth…great truth.

In earlier years, church attendance was an act of discipline. I made myself get up on Sunday mornings and forced myself to ignore weariness on Wednesday evenings. Eventually, though I began to see a pattern.

Any time I truly entered into a service, taking an active part in it rather than merely letting it happen around me, I came away energized – no matter how tired I’d been when I arrived. Any time I’ve gone to church and consciously set aside my worries, fears, or pain, spending time focusing on God instead of me and my issues, I have come away with more peace, clearer vision, and often even supernatural release from crippling pain.

I speak of emotional pain, but the same applies to physical pain. For years, I suffered from three-day, hormone-induced migraines that hit every fourteen days. Day one I usually spent in bed, sure I was going to die. On day two, I knew I was going to live, but wanted to die. By day three, the pain was still devastating, but so much lessened in comparison that I could push through it. During this time, I was first in the band and then in the choir, yet I missed very few services.

By then, I truly understood the importance of, and many of the reasons for, God’s command to assemble together (Hebrews 10:25) and simply (though not always easily) refused to let my body dictate my actions. And God honored my choices.

In the band, I played small percussion. Percussion and migraines obviously don’t mix; neither do singing and migraines. Even so, almost without fail, as soon as praise and worship began I would be totally pain free and I would stay free from pain until I stepped down and sat in my pew. Sometimes the pain stayed away and sometimes, usually, it only eased up, but continually God reminded me that He had called me to serve in the music ministry and as long as I stayed right with Him He would make me able.

So… Today there is no “I don’t feel like going to church.” Or, perhaps I should rephrase. There are days when my body would rather not go to church. I, though, have realized that I always benefit from being in service. I want to be there on the good days, when all is right with my world, but I especially want to be there – desperately want to be there – when fear, doubt, pain, or heartache are hounding me, because it is there that I find solace and strength. It IS better to spend one day in His house than a thousand anywhere else!

And as strongly as I feel this now, oh how I look forward to Heaven!

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

God can use the most unusual things to preach sermons to us!

Anyone who has done much reading here knows we homeschooled our sons. Homeschooling can lead to some interesting experiments, and one of ours involved silkworms.

The silkworm’s life cycle is fairly well known. The worm eats constantly until the day it spins a cocoon around itself, then it settles in and starts changing. Eventually it exits the cocoon as a lovely little silk moth and flies away. That’s the way it’s supposed to happen at any rate.

With two of our silkworms, we got the common result. Not so with the third; it never left the cocoon. You can tell it started trying, but for whatever reason it never left its protective shell. I still have that cocoon, with its dead contents. I also kept one of the empty cocoons. God has used them more than once to teach me and remind me of certain truths. I call them my sermons in a box – Silkworm Sermons.

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone and Fly
God’s first silkworm sermon (preached privately to me) was about the dangers of the comfort zone. How many times in our lives do we fall into the comfort zone trap, refusing to move forward into new territory because we feel comfortable, even safe, where we are?

It’s an age-old failing. The children of Israel did the very same thing. For all that they complained almost constantly, they were relatively comfortable with the dessert, disinclined to leave their safe place and enter apparently dangerous new territory. I can remember times in my life when I’ve felt pretty much the same way!

I once heard a man say that if you want to have something you’ve never had you’ve got to do something you’ve never done. Israel was offered that chance; they refused – and that generation died. Just like that silkworm, they failed to leave their nice, safe place – their comfort zone – and they died in the dessert.

I refuse. I like my comfort zones as much as anyone, but if I’m facing two choices – one that will leave me dead in the dessert, trapped in silk – and another that will leave me free to fly as the next generation (and the other two silkworms) eventually did – I’m kicking the cocoon!

That’s just a decision of course. When you get to the follow through the going can get a little rough – or a lot rough. The dead silkworm did try to leave the cocoon, after all. Why did it fail? A battle begun may be half won, but it’s only half won. Sadly, again, it’s usually self that causes us the most trouble.

I’m thinking about Israel again, of course. They’d begun taking new ground, but came to a critical point when one man gave into his own selfish desires and took from Jericho something God had already said belonged to Him alone. Had Israel not dealt with this sin when they did, a whole nation could have died right then and there. Even when self is forced out of its comfort zone, it must still be kept under constant guard or it will stop you in your tracks.

But it can be conquered, and both the nation of Israel and the silk moths that flew away are proof that we have within us the power to enter into amazing new life if we will only determine to leave that comfortable, familiar, old life behind.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

I just saw a book title that intrigued me - The Christian Atheist: Believing in God but Living as if He Doesn’t Exist. Of course I had to read the book description, and one sentence leapt out at me.

When Groeschel discovered that the real key to faith is intimacy with God, everything changed.

That really is what faith is all about. How can you have faith in someone you don’t know? If the father you trust says, “Stay right here. I’ll be back in a little bit with a hundred dollar bill for you,” you will park yourself for three hours if necessary because you know him and you know he will return with the hundred dollar bill. If a stranger on the street says the same thing, how long will you stand around, waiting, feeling like a fool before you decide it was a hoax?

“Without faith it is impossible to please God.” (Hebrews 11:6) We know this, but how do we build our faith? There is a world of teaching out there. I’ll just address the one, foundational principle that Groeschel discovered. You cannot have faith in - genuinely trust - someone you do not know. Therefore, if you want stronger faith in God, you must develop a stronger relationship with God. How do you do this?

You do it the same way you develop relationships with anyone else. You spend time together.

Pray
This should be obvious, but for most of us it’s really low on our list of priorities. Praying IS spending time with God. It’s not an appointment just to give God our wish lists; it’s a time to fellowship with Him, spend time in His presence, speak, and LISTEN. Too often we get so caught up in the “me” part of praying that we forget that true communication requires both speaking and listening. God does speak to us; it’s just that too often we don’t shut up long enough to hear what He’s saying. (Reminding myself of this, here!)

Read the Bible
John 1:1 makes it crystal clear that The Word IS God. (”In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.”) If you want to know God better, get into His Word. I’ve said this repeatedly through the years - if we want to know God as well as we possibly can, we cannot neglect spending time in His Word. There’s no law about how much time we should spend in the Word, but it’s simple reality that our relationship with Him will deepen in direct proportion to how much time we spend with Him.

Be in Church
God calls each of us to a specific place of worship so that we can be fitly joined together with the rest of His body. In calling us to that place, He sets in front of us the ministers who can most particularly help us grow closer to Him. There is a reason Hebrews 10:25 tells us not to forsake the assembly; church is an important part of growing closer to God.

Which brings me to a rabbit trail, but one I’m going to follow. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard someone tell me that they “knew” they were supposed to be going to a specific church, but they just couldn’t because _______. (Didn’t like the music, didn’t like the preacher, got hurt by a member of the congregation, didn’t want to drive that far…) Forgive me for being blunt, but that is no excuse. Church isn’t about me or my neighbor or how far I have to drive. Church is about God. So if I tell God that I refuse to go to the church He called me to, then I’m telling Him that my tastes and my feelings and my convenience are more important than Him. That is hardly grounds for a good relationship!

Without faith it is impossible to please God.
Without relationship it is virtually impossible to have faith.

Get to know Him. Get to know Him better every day.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Jack got notice yesterday that he has been approved for Social Security Disability, BLESS GOD!!!!! Yes, this means he is part of that tiny minority - people who are approved the first time they apply - and we give God all the glory for making it happen!

So last night, after I got through thanking God and shouting and thanking God and singing and thanking God and dancing and thanking God and fighting the urge to cry and seriously thanking God, I spent a bit of time in prayer. This is a huge financial breakthrough for us. It would be so easy to go nuts with such an increase and wake up six months from now to the realization that we were no better off than we have been - all through our own failure to manage our suddenly increased finances appropriately.

So God and I have been talking about what HE wants us to do with our money once the checks start coming in, and I made a commitment to Him that we will be responsible with this great gift He has given us. He’s giving us a second (or is it third…or fourth…or…?) chance, and we are going to be responsible adults.

I wish I’d known how to be one of those 29 years ago when we got married. My young friends, when they tell you that you seriously need to start saving for your future no matter how much you would rather buy those fun things you want today or how tight finances are…. LISTEN. And don’t just listen. ACT.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

I’ve finished my sixth readthrough of the Bible and, yes, begun the seventh. Once again, I come here strongly urging you to pick your Bible up and put some serious effort into reading it from cover to cover. I wish there were some way I could impress on every one of you the amazing things that happen when you do this.

For the benefit of those who have never read my blog, let me say that I read the Bible through repeatedly for many reasons, but the primary reason is that we are eternal beings and it finally dawned on me a few years ago that I was not truly prepared for the life to come. With that in mind, knowing that this is THE book we will live by for Eternity, THE Book that can make us intimately acquainted with the God we want to serve forever, I purposed in my heart to get to know it as well as I could.

See, God moves in types and shadows. You see it throughout the Bible – so much of what goes on in the Old Testament is a type and shadow of what happens in the new that it’s astounding. Well, it occurred to me long ago that school – that “wonderful” institution most of us gave 12 or more years to – is a type and shadow of this life we’re living now. And if it is…

Well, looking back on my school years, if I’d known then what I know now I would have put a lot more effort into them. I was a good student. I graduated in the top 10% of my class, which wasn’t shabby, but I had it within me to graduate a lot higher if I’d only put forth some real effort. If I had been more serious, both in high school and college, my life would have potentially been VERY different. And I’m not just talking school, either; had I taken seriously the fact that those years were my opportunity to prepare for the life I would later live, I’d have entered marriage knowing a whole lot more about the necessities of running a home – both physically and financially.

So if I had it to do over again, I’d approach things very differently, or so I believe.

One day it dawned on me that I DO have it to do over again, that in truth this life I live today is the “school years” that offer me a chance to prepare for the Eternity I will live tomorrow, that von Goethe had it right when he said, “Life is the childhood of our immortality.” I suddenly realized that I have a second – and humongously bigger – chance to get it right, and since to know the Word is to know God (John 1) I determined to get to know the Word as much as I could.

You get to know a person in many ways. You can talk to them, exchange letters with them, play games with them… The same holds true for the Word. Bible studies abound and I delight in them, but with Bible studies we pick and choose. I feel it is also necessary to read the whole Bible – yes, even the begats and the books we have a hard time understanding – if we are to wholly know God, or at least as wholly as is possible.

Think of it this way. I have many friends, and each of those friends knows a part of me, an aspect or perhaps several aspects of who I am. Rare indeed is the friend who knows the whole Tammy Cardwell. In truth, I’m not at all sure anyone but God DOES know the whole Tammy Cardwell. No one has enough time to spend with me doing and talking and being involved in all of the things that make up who I am.

And so it is with God. We say we know Him, but do we? Do we really? How can we know Him, really know Him, if we don’t spend time with Him, being involved with Him in all the areas we can? I’m talking a lot more than reading the Bible, of course, but reading the whole Bible is a large part of learning to know the whole God.

And I have determined that this is my goal – to know God as fully as I can possibly know Him BEFORE I enter the next phase of life, whether that phase starts at the Rapture or my own graduation (What others call death).

So there’s the biggest why of it.

And the way of it? Repeated reading works. I’ve found, through the years, that reading the same book over and over again makes portions of that book really stick with me, and that every time I read it I see more, make more important connections than I did before. In particular, reading the Bible through in a relatively short period of time keeps the words of the early books fresher in my mind when I reach the later books.

Most people feel good if they manage to read the Bible through in a year, and it is very beneficial to do so, but I recommend reading even more quickly. Reading the Bible through in 90 days and less (I’ve done this twice) was a revelation to me. It’s like the difference between reading a novel one page per day and reading it through in one sitting. Sound ridiculous? I assure you, it’s not. Challenge yourself to spend an hour or more a day just reading the Bible through and you will be astounded by the results. No one would read a novel at a rate of one page a day, for obvious reasons – you would at the very least have a hard time keeping up with the story. Well…

Yes, if you’re a Cluttered Desk reader (And my blessings on those who have stayed through the dry times of this blog!), you’ve heard much of this before, but as I read Leviticus again and am once more astounded by how much more I see in it now, I know it bears repeating.

Become better acquainted with the whole Word of God so that you will better know Him.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Me, myself, and I had a pity party the other day. In fact, it was such an event that I had to stop at the dollar store and buy refreshments. (Yep, we’re talking chocolate.) Without getting into the gory details, let’s just say it was about “stuff” – specifically the “stuff” I don’t have. Mind you, this is stuff I need, though it’s definitely not necessary for survival…or I’d not have survived since losing pretty much everything all those months ago.

I got into serous sin, my friends. I’m talking… Well, I did say I wouldn’t get into the gory details, but I will admit to you that the party started at lunch and didn’t end until some point during church service that night. When I finally called a halt to the festivities, God spoke to me. Yep, He’d surely been speaking to me all along, but…well…we all know how loud we can be when we’re in the middle of a party, right? That still, small voice gets lost in the noise.

As soon as I repented, though – REALLY ended the party – I could finally hear what He had to say. Essentially, He told me to stop worrying about the stuff, that He is more than capable of giving me everything I need in all areas of my life if I’ll just be more patient about it. I KNOW this, of course, but…

BUT, I decided to stop the whining and get on with seeking first the Kingdom of Heaven like His Word tells me to and let those things follow as He wills. I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and envious of others. I decided to stop sinning in this area.

And things started happening.

Some of the “stuff” I need is kitchen stuff. One of the specific whines I’d been making to God was that I don’t even have what it takes to bake a cake. I love to bake – cakes, cookies, you name it – and I’ve been looking forward to baking (Let’s ignore, for the moment, the fact that my husband is an insulin-dependant diabetic, okay?) so the fact that to this day I don’t have the cake pan, measuring cups, mixer, etc., to bake with was really getting to me. So what happened?

I got a notice from Gilt. I posted about Gilt.com, including my personal invitation link (http://www.gilt.com/invite/tmcardwell), a long time ago and through time a few people have followed my link, signed up, and started shopping their sales. Every time a new person does this, I get a credit to my account. I actually still had some credit in my account from the last person, so when I got this most recent notice I immediately logged on to see if there were any bargains that would be especially timely for me. I was actually thinking about getting a gift for someone else at first, but what what did I find on sale?

Bakeware! This was among many other things, of course, but bakeware is a very rare thing for Gilt to sell. This stuff is top of the line and with my credit I was able to order – wait for it – a 9×13 glass dish and a four-cup measuring cup. Oh yeah!!!! And it didn’t cost me a thing! That’s kept me smiling for days, but I’m not done yet.

I had a gift to buy and money is, not surprisingly, quite tight. I had earned some Kohl’s gift cards, though, through my activities with MyPoints, and lo and behold Kohl’s was having a special late night sale that just happened to be going on when I got off work at the second job. So I headed over there, started scouting clearance sections (My favorite part of any store), and found the perfect gift. AND…

Another thing that has been bothering me is how sterile our bathroom is. With the exception of bath towels and two pictures that, though they are worse for the wear, we did manage to salvage from the house, our bathroom has been white on white on white. I have HATED looking into the bathroom mirror and seeing that white wall behind me. So, what else did I find in the clearance area?

Wall stickers. I’ve been wondering how such things would work in the bathroom (with the humidity) anyway, but would never have considered paying $20 for something that might well fall of the wall after the first shower. This set of four, however, was on sale for $3.99 and the other gift I got was so reasonably priced that I actually had enough money left on the gift cards that I could get these too. So now I look in my bathroom mirror and can hardly contain the grin. I love it!

What would have happened if I’d chosen to party on instead of calling the party off? Self pity is such a destructive thing. Pity parties have absolutely no redeeming features. They raise your blood pressure, ruin your mood, put limits on your productivity.. Oh…and…yeah…they’re sin, which gets between you and God.

Hopefully I’ll remember this the next time me, myself, or I decides to call such a party, and will respond to the invitation with a decided, “ARE YOU CRAZY?!”

Yeah. Party OFF!

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Behind the scenes video…

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C