From a Cluttered Desk

I am Tammy Cardwell, she of the cluttered desk. (Hey, you think I'm kidding?!) I'm having a blast here in Blogland and invite to you to peruse my ramblings. Like a buffet, they offer variety - essentially whatever makes it to the top of the piles that sometimes clutter my brain. We'll eventually cover it all - homeschooling, God, our church, the Eclectic Homeschool Online, books I'm writing and publishing, conferences I speak at, the joys of grandmotherhood, and hopefully chocolate. Of course, this is only what's near the top now. Who knows what's in those piles?

Jack got notice yesterday that he has been approved for Social Security Disability, BLESS GOD!!!!! Yes, this means he is part of that tiny minority - people who are approved the first time they apply - and we give God all the glory for making it happen!

So last night, after I got through thanking God and shouting and thanking God and singing and thanking God and dancing and thanking God and fighting the urge to cry and seriously thanking God, I spent a bit of time in prayer. This is a huge financial breakthrough for us. It would be so easy to go nuts with such an increase and wake up six months from now to the realization that we were no better off than we have been - all through our own failure to manage our suddenly increased finances appropriately.

So God and I have been talking about what HE wants us to do with our money once the checks start coming in, and I made a commitment to Him that we will be responsible with this great gift He has given us. He’s giving us a second (or is it third…or fourth…or…?) chance, and we are going to be responsible adults.

I wish I’d known how to be one of those 29 years ago when we got married. My young friends, when they tell you that you seriously need to start saving for your future no matter how much you would rather buy those fun things you want today or how tight finances are…. LISTEN. And don’t just listen. ACT.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Well, she’s been a girl for a while. After all, she’s a month old now.

I had boys.
My sister had boys.

One of my boys has finally had A GIRL!!!!

I absolutely adore my grandson and wouldn’t trade him for the world, but I must confess that there is something extra special about holding your granddaughter in your arms when the only closely related babies you’ve ever held have been boys.

Is that not the most precious picture?! Grandparenthood has got to be one of the best rewards for growing up.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

I never EVER thought I’d say these words, but I’m enjoying living in an apartment!

Admittedly, we’re in the ideal spot. We’re five minutes from my job in a very quiet, small, apartment complex that is run by a terrific management team. We’re in a one-story building, so there are no upstairs neighbors to bother us. We’re also on the corner, so only have neighbors one one side and back, and hardly ever hear either. Ours is one of the few apartments in our complex that has an exterior entrance, and I really like the exterior entrance…

An apartment was not my first choice, but it was necessity - both because of the condition of the house we’d been living in and Jack’s condition. He is improving, but can’t even remotely do anything like yard work or maintenance, so being in a place where all we have to do is call maintenance (And they respond very quickly!) is great. It’s also only one bedroom - read: small and much easier to keep clean. Since we lost almost everything to the mold, it’s not cluttered either, and I have made a commitment to never allow either of us to fall into packrat mode again.

You never know what you’ll end up liking until you try it, huh? One more well-known truth relearned.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Jack and I celebrated our 29th anniversary on Saturday.

Well…the word “celebrated” may be a little strong since we didn’t actually DO anything. Still, the very fact that we’re still here after 29 years and the challenges we’ve faced is a celebration all its own.

On our 29th anniversary, we got to attend the recital for our son’s school. (Highly professional recital - nothing at all like the living-room-based recitals of my childhood) To me that was a great way of marking the date. Our son is not only a superb musician on multiple instruments, but he’s also an instructor in a performing arts school. I was helping in the foyer for the recital, but did sneak in to see a few of his students perform and it was… Wow. There is great satisfaction in looking at a young (Or middle aged!) person playing the guitar or drums and doing it well and being able to think, “MY son did that!” I even got to see him play, which is always a pleasure, when he accompanied one of his students in a montage.

Yeah… Twenty nine years and we’re still standing.
Twenty nine years and we have kids who make me proud.
Twenty nine years and I’m looking at the future with hope.
Those are things worth shouting about.

Or at least smiling really big, since I’m a little too tired to shout right this minute.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Who knew?

Who knew, a year ago, that today would see me learning how to deal with a man who has had a triple bypass, a full-blown stroke, and become an insulin-dependent diabetic?

I know the answer, of course. God knew. And obviously God did not tell me because he knew I would be running in terror.

Okay, so I wouldn’t really, because I do know that God gives me everything I need to be everyone I need to be. It’s just that…well…sleep deprivation gets old and having to schedule my days around my husband’s medical needs gets old and trying to figure out how to pay for medicines and doctor visits gets old and not knowing from one day to the next if I’m going to be able to go to work because there’s no one available to sit with him gets old and…

But, on the other hand, someone told me at church yesterday that Jack actually talked to her. She was seriously smiling. This is huge, because in recent years he’s been almost totally silent around everyone but me. He’s specialized in monosyllabic answers to all questions to such an extent that some people actually wondered if he liked them. He’s talking again; he obviously feels a lot better now, bless God.

And yes, many of the issues I’m dealing with today will be gone before too very very long. There’s one medicine that is out-of-this-world expensive. It’s a temporary medicine and I’ve been praying that the issue it’s connected to resolve itself this week so that I don’t have to refill the scrip. I do NOT want to spend over $130 for a two-week supply of this drug. The Lipitor they’ve put him on is bad enough!

But he is getting stronger every day. He fell several times over the weekend, but he’s not fallen in two days now. This is huge. Also, his evening blood glucose levels have been so much lower that three out of the last five evenings he’s not had to take insulin at all. Yes, also huge. When I’m suffering from sleep deprivation due to his still being on a hospital schedule (Seven weeks of being awakened every two hours…), I remind myself that things are truly improving every day.

You know how, in the marriage vows, you say you’ll stick with the person for better or for worse through sickness and in health? Well, young people, I advise you to take those vows seriously from the start, because that “for worse” part really can get bad. You don’t think about such things when you’re 19 (My age when we married), but they matter when you’re nearly 50 (I’m 48 as of last month). Would I still say the vows? Absolutely, but I would have been less naive about what the future holds and would have done a LOT more preparations for a future such as the one I’m living today.

Looking back, there are so many things I would do differently.
I guess everyone says that eventually, huh?

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Jack did come home late on Monday evening and he improves daily. After having a heart attack, a triple bypass, AND a stroke…. Yeah, it’s exciting to see the continual progress. I thank God often.

The to do list, though… Why does it seem to constantly get even longer?

I’m sitting in a hospital room. This is…lemme see… This is the 9th hospital room in three different hospital buildings since Jack had a heart attack on December 8th.

Can we say insane? At least I’ve felt that way more than once. Exhaustion, too, is a word I am entirely familiar with.

They actually thought he would be going home for Christmas. He was doing great after having a triple bypass - walking around, eating, body functioning the way it was supposed to. Then he developed a staff infection that had to be treated. And then there came the pain-filled nights when they gave him Vicotin - and learned the hard way that he cannot tolerate it. Oh MAN can he not tolerate it. I won’t go into all of the complications, but I will say that for two days during the weekend after Christmas we were on what sounded like a totally fabulous vacation in Scotland. He remembers nothing of those delusion-filled days now, but if we ever go on a vacation half that good…

We’re looking at a possible Monday release date and I have an absolutely enormous to do list where he is concerned. I’ve totally lost track of the number of doctors he has and how many different doctors he is going to need to be seeing once he gets out of here. yech

How’s this for a catch-up-after-an-eternity blog post? Sorry.

Ah…but there is some other really exciting news. We will have a new granddaughter come June. Connor has been prophesying a little sister for many many months - long before the kids gave any indication at all that they would consider having another - and when the ultrasound tech told them on Monday that it was a girl, his response was apparently, “Like I said!” I would be excited regardless, but I really am looking forward to having a baby girl doll to play with after all the testosterone poisoning I’ve endured my adult life. LOL!

Yeah, things are looking up. Jack is definitely on the upturn and the doctor that came in while I was typing this says that he is hoping to release Jack to go home on Monday. “Home” is a relative term at the moment, but that’s another story entirely and one I’m not inclined to go into at the moment.

2010 is a new year and I’m ready for great things!

My second grandchild, who many people (Including big brother) are hoping is a girl, is due on June 17th.

The doctor says that date could change; it’s the date they came up with after today’s sonogram.

I’m going to be a grandmother again!

Yes, this has me grinning ear to ear. I’ve known for a bit, of course, and even announced it on Facebook, but wasn’t shouting from the rooftops until this doctor’s visit. Now that my daughter-in-love has posted the sonogram pic to her blog, I figure it’s safe to talk about it here.

And of course names have already been discussed. Well, girl names have been discussed with me anyway, because everyone knows I’m rather hoping for a girl. I like the name they’d chosen in case Connor was a girl. Connor has his own name picked out. Sheree has a totally different name picked out. I guess we’ll have to see what happens, huh? LOL!

Life can really make you smile at times, you know?

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

You’ve not heard a peep out of me for months on end. I apologize for this, but I honestly don’t know that I would have come to post if I’d had the time and freedom. It’s been THAT kind of season.

I remember, in our early years of homeschooling, sitting in Greg Harrison’s "Seasons of Life" seminar and wondering how each of the seasons would affect me. Over all, the transition from one season to the next has been easy. Even having both sons move out of the house was a piece of cake, in a sense, and grandmotherhood has been fabulous.

This most recent season, though… It’s been a little more challenging, taking up pretty much all of my attention and leaving me without comprehensible words to share even if I’d had the time to share them. It has been a  season of picking new things up and putting down a few things that I thought I would hold onto until the day Jesus came.

The biggest thing I’ve picked up is a full-time job at my church. This is a position I’ve wanted for ten years, a chance to minister full time and affect people’s lives locally in an eternal way. It keeps me busy like nothing I’ve ever done before and I love pretty much every minute of it.

It also challenges me like nothing I’ve ever done before. I’ll be honest; I sometimes face those challenges with something less than enthusiasm, but I rejoice in all I’ve learned and there’s nothing like the feeling of accomplishment that comes when you finally figure out something that had previously seemed impossible.

And that’s all I can share for now, but I will try to make an effort to come back periodically and at least try to update this poor, neglected blog. There are some exciting things coming in my life and I’m looking forward to them. Hopefully I’ll be able to fill you in so you can look forward to them with me.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

I’m not sure I remember how to change my profile picture on the whole website, but for the benefit of those who have wondered about my new blondness…

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C